Last week, I bought a shiny new car. It’s small, girly, and a lovely shade of baby blue. I excitedly told a male friend about the best features the night of purchase (i.e. the light up vanity mirror for both driver and passenger, and the multiple cup holders). I expected him to respond with ‘manly’ questions about the engine or something else to do with that mystical place under the bonnet, but instead he simply asked me,
“So, when are you going to christen it then?”
Of course, I pretended to be deeply offended, told him to bugger off, and directed his attention to the little foldy downy drivers armrest thingy.
But in my head, the question certainly made me think and bought back many happy memories.
When I was young and living with mum and dad, I viewed my little Nissan Pulsar like the ultimate transportable love hotel. An ex (who also still lived at home) and I would take it for a spin 2 or 3 nights a week to one of our regular spots, i.e ‘the Love Lagoon’ (a boat jetty backing onto a river), ‘Parks of Pleasure’ (a strange hole in the middle of some football fields) or ‘the Carpark’ (yep, romantic). We didn’t care that my car was apparently made for midgets, nor that what we were doing was a little risque and, quite possibly, illegal, we were having fun. Really, that sort of fun continued until I was 24 and moved out of home.
But now I’m older, have my own place inclusive of a lovely bed (and even lovelier kitchen table), it seems the car has automatically become a no-go zone. Gone are the days of ducking every time you see some headlights approaching, debating to use the front or back seat and fondly rubbing the handbrake induced bruise on your shin the next day.
So, that being said, maybe we should all get out of the bedroom and have fun someplace else, just for old times sake. Heck, take your sex toys with you and make it even more fun.
As long as you don’t end up like this lady, who got arrested for, wait for it, driving while watching porn and using her vibrator at the same time. Silly thing obviously hadn’t heard about the hands free versions that plug into the cigarette lighter!
Naughty Miss Jones xx