All in the name of research, I have been looking into the ‘sleazy’ underworld of my home town. My grandpa, as I’ve mentioned, was a pimp in his prime and talks candidly about the sex industry in Sydney in the 1950’s and 60’s, so its only natural I have an interest in such matters. Family heritage and all that.
In undertaking such research, I stumbled (on the web, not literally) upon a swingers club located only streets from my work. The link http://www.swingers.com.au/
Now, I have to preface my next few paragraphs with a disclaimer; at the time of so stumbling, I was d-runk. Not falling off my chair drunk, but more the “I have been out for a boozy lunch with colleagues, and tried to keep up with the boys” drunk.
So what did I do when I read that site? Of course, fuelled by a substantial amount of dutch courage, I considered it an excellent idea to simply rock up and check it out (even in that state, please dont think I had any intention of participating, Im just a sticky beak, who also happens to be a little bit of a perve).
And so, roady from the fridge at work in hand, off I wandered. As I teetered along in my sexy heels (even in my inebriated state I could reason thongs probably weren’t appropriate) I had images of beautiful strangers in satin capes, moving around in slow motion, pouring champagne into my glass while telling me how charming I am.
And so I arrived.
And that’s when my sexy imagary ground to a halt.
Instead of a regal looking home, with sounds of classical music and tinkering glasses coming from the windows and lacy curtains billowing in the wind under a starry night sky, (yes, what goes on in my head really is a movie) it looked just like a normal terrace. Cars were going past. A group still in their work suits wandered by, giving me that smirk of “We know where you’re going girl”.
What the f**K was I doing?
And so, my tale had a boring ending. I went home, went to bed, and woke up with a cracking hangover. Maybe I’m not as adventurous as I once thought.
Will I ever return to the “Couples Club”? Who knows, but if I do, I’ll be sure to do so sober, with someone to look out for me, and with a little more planning. I also promise to write about it
Naughty Miss Jones xx