The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

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Last night, I had dream sex with someone really, really gross. And, to the best of my now awake recollection, I quite enjoyed it.

I like to think that in my waking life, I am very selective as to who I share myself with. In my dream time, however, it appears I’m a mighty big slut bag prepared to sleep with pretty much anyone. Over the years, I reckon I have had sex dreams about at least half of my male friends, every single ex, a good handful of lawyers I’ve appeared against at work, and at least 5 of the characters from my favourite reality shows.  Dr Chris Brown, of course, makes a weekly appearance.

To say I’m a little disturbed would be an understatement.

Does this mean I’m some sort of sexual deviant? Do I deep down actually want to have sex with the strange tattooed guy who makes my coffee after the gym?  Oh the shame!

According to Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, I have nothing to be worried about, the answer is sex dreams are normal, (not to mention out of our control), and women shouldn’t be embarrassed about them. Thanks Debs!

Talking to some of my lovely ladies, I further realize I am not alone. One of my friends, who is in a long term relationship,  regularly has sex dreams about her ex’s, but never about her current partner. Other friends have fantastic sexual dreams, where the bloke in question has no real identity, no face or no voice, they simply remember the awesome feeling he gave them. Another admitted to having a sex dream about Matt Preston after watching Master Chef one night, which was really saucy (pardon the pun).

A bit of research on the topic, and I realize sex dreams can be indicative of certain things, for example:

  1. when a heterosexual woman suddenly has a same-sex dream, it’s most likely the slumbering mind’s expression of a strong female friendship;
  2. when you dream about an ex – it’s more likely to be your brain processing old memories, simply because images of an ex are stored along with thousands of other memories in your brain
  3. that perfect faceless stranger? Getting swept off your feet by a mystery man in a dream could be a signal that something is missing in your real-life relationship;
  4. Although you might really want to have sex with Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum in real life (but keep your dream hands off Chris Brown, he’s dream-mine), there may apparently be more to your wild sex dreams about them. Dreaming about getting it on with a celebrity is all about your desire to attain more fame, fortune, recognition or bolster your social status.

All very thought provoking stuff. So with the knowledge I am definately not a sexual deviant (well, on the dream basis anyway) I have decided to stop fretting about my dream-state nookie partners. After all, a dream is a dream; there is no point getting too hung up about it. And on that note, Dr Chris, I’ll be seeing you tonight

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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