The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at

pic courtesy of

pic courtesy of

Whenever I meet a guy for the first time, and I really, really want to have sex with him, my chest and neck go all red and blotchy. It’s like my own body is betraying me, screaming out ‘think you can act all cool and collected in the presence of this sexy beast missy? Ha, think again!’. Hmmm, maybe it’s my body punnishing me for feeding it a diet based more on wine and cheese than vegies and lean proteins (or whatever it is we are supposed to be eating nowadays).


So last week, I met a man in a work context I had only previously dealt with on the phone. As one does, I had a certain picture of him in my mind based on his voice (think posh English accent a la Prince William) and the limited information I had on him; believing he was too old for me, too skinny for me, and just not my type.

Boy was I wrong.

As I opened the door to the conference room, I was hit with the image of quite possibly the sexiest man on the face of the planet. He would even give Dr Chris Brown a run for his money. And, lo and behold, it took all of about 0.3 seconds for the sexy red blotches to do their thing.

On the phone, this man and I had chatted effortlessly. In person, I was a stumbling mess. On the phone, we had engaged in banter about the difference between men and women. In person, I couldn’t even say the word ‘man’ without inadvertantly letting my eyes wander the full glory of the example in front of me (yep…. it happened…twice).

I have no idea, nor do I want to know, of the impression I gave.

In the mortification that followed, I read up on the topic of blushing when embarrassed/ nervous/ ridiculously turned on by someone whom it would be inappropriate to be turned on by, and apparently there are ways to control it, following some quick simple steps:
1. relax ;
2. Turn blushing into a game. Try to see how red you can make yourself. More often than not, this will actually reduce how red you will become.
3. Wash your face and apply a thin film of oil-free moisturizer;

In light of these new found tips, and to at least get my mind and body ready for being in the presence of such male beauty, I now google image every male or potentially male person I am set to meet. Anyone ranking over a 7 out of 10, and I take a quick shot of tequila, promise myself $50 if I can get to the colour of tomato sauce and whack on some of the old ‘Clinique dramatically different’.

If that still doesn’t work, I’m also keeping a turtle neck jumper permanently in my desk drawer for emergencies.

To the sexy beast in question (or any future sexy beasts who catch me off guard), if you happen to be reading this, please take my red-blotchy-stumbling-wandering eye-ness as a compliment. I promise as soon as I get over the whole ‘I really want to have sex with you’ thing, I’ll go back to being the cheeky but charming young woman you met on the phone.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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