The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au

takeitoffIt’s my inner tight-arse-ness that lead me to be a (self proclaimed) master of the art of strip tease. You see, 5 or 6 years ago when pole dancing was the hot new thing, I eagerly signed up with my friend Lindy, and the studio was offering a ‘second class at 50% off’ deal. It was clearly too good to turn down (‘50% off’ being one of my most favourite phrases), but instead of signing up for a second night a week on the pole, we put our names down for an 8 week crash course in the art of strip tease.

I loved every bloody minute of it.

Over those 8 weeks I learned important life skills such as how to remove your bra gracefully while keeping the nips under wraps, and how to use a chair as both a prop AND a modesty protector while starkers, all the while looking sultry and sexy. That, I assure you, takes some real skill.

I can’t remember now who my boyfriend was at the time, or even if I had one to share my new found skills, but I do remember in those 8 weeks often finding myself taking off my bikini in the shower while swaying my hips and humming a sexy tune, or inadvertently starting to lower the shoulder strap of my dress while doing my thang on the dance floor (for the record: no breasts were seen in the making of this blog entry).

Since, I’ve invested $19.95 in a ‘pussy cat dolls work out DVD’ that involves using your feather boa, a lot of hip grinding and a few little nibbles of the pinkie finger. If you ever come over to my place and there’s a few stray orange or purple feathers lying round, why yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

Whether you’re doing it for a man, doing it to get in the mood, or are simply inspired by my rave review of the pussy cat dolls work out DVD, strip tease is fun, it reminds you you’re sexy and I encourage y’all to try it. At Naughty Miss Jones, we encourage anything that makes you feel good, and this is no exception.

Think you would like to give it a go? My hot tips:

1. Music – we all have those songs that make us think of, well, sex. Some months back you’ll remember I even blogged about the best music to get down and dirty too. To help set the scene, put on one of those songs – my suggestion is something slow and lingering, the original Donna Hay ‘Love to love you baby’ is ideal;

2. Props – Fact; it’s impossible not to have fun with a feather boa in your hands. Other important props are the chair, quite a few articles of clothing; and something to use to hide your naked bits (a fan works wonders);

3. Suspense – strip tease would be no (well, not as) fun if you just got your kit off and stood in the middle of the room. The fun is all in the suspense, hinting at what’s underneath before revealing it. Take… your…. time. When taking off the underwear, do it in a way that still keeps your ‘bits’ under wraps, so you can draw out the tease even further;

4. Have fun – I assure you, any guy lucky enough to be the recipient of a little show will be so in awe and driven by lust it will be physically impossible for him to have or feel anything negative towards you. I don’t have the body of Miranda Kerr, nor am I the most coordinated kid on the block, and yet the ex who was lucky enough to be the recipient of my shows would tell me I had ‘never looked more beautiful’ nor had he ‘ever been more turned on’ in his life. As long as you’re having fun, so will he;

5. Booze – when in doubt = liquid courage. Also, the champagne bottle can be used as a prop (see note 2). Just don’t get too rip-roaring drunk… boozy Suzie isn’t a good look.

Now, if my instructions still aren’t clear enough, the lovely people at wiki-how have provided a very detailed step by step guide to strip tease, found here: http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-a-Striptease

And if you’re still not sure? come over to my place, we can do the pussy cat dolls work out DVD together (I’ll even lend you one of my boas)

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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