I have a massive, obsessive guilty secret. Minds outta’ the gutter people, in this case I’m referring to reality trash television.
What started as a dabble with ‘Man-o-Man’ as a child, grew into a minor problem when they released ‘The Villa’ and ‘Temptation Island’ throughout my teens, and continued to develop through ‘Chains of Love’, ‘Dinner date’ and ‘Beauty and the Geek’ into the full blown addiction I now face today. I have been known to turn down dates to ensure I was home to see which wife the farmer picked, and when they announced the Bachelor was coming to Australia, I peed my pants a little in excitement.
Now, no surprises here, I also have a little bit of an obsession with sex toys. I like shopping for them, experimenting with them, and even this last week making them (more details to follow in a future entry; get excited people, it’ll be a good one).
So what I thought would be brilliant would be to combine my two obsessions, and make a reality trash TV show about sex toys. Not convinced? here, let me pitch it to you:
The Vibrating Bachelor Beauty Wants a Wife On Temptation Island – by Naughty Miss Jones
25 of Australia’s most desperate eligible women board a sea plane bound for a tropical island. There, they find 4 beautiful sex toys, for whose ownership they must compete with the other contestants through undertaking various physical and mental challenges (with the assistance of their geeks, of course).
Amongst the toys up for grabs, we have the cool, surfer dude sex toy (http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/fun-factory-ocean-deluxe-vibe-with-separate-charger/), the bad boy sex toy (http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/evolved-novelties-booty-bomb/), the rich, premium, perfectly formed sex toy (http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/fun-factory-de-light-with-separate-charger/), and the sex toy nobody is quite sure what to do with, and figures must have got on the show by having a pre-existing relationship with the producer (http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/velvet-plush-u-vibe-junior/).
So anyway, to team with the theme, all the challenges are sex toy related; building a rope ladder using nothing but bondage tape http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/sex-ties-and-bondage-tape/), trying to stay standing on a life raft covered in slippery lube, and, everyone’s favourite mental challenge, ‘pick the sex toy from the child’s toy’ (http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/big-teaze-retro-rocket/) .
As the women and their geeks compete, they are watched all the while in secret by the Vibrating Bachelor Beauties, who award their favourites each week with a flower (of the vibrating variety, of course http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au/big-teaze-onye-fleur/), meaning they get to stay on the island.
When the number of women gets down to 4 per Vibrating Bachelor Beauty, they are all chained together, meaning we, as the viewers, get to watch the hilarity that ensues when four women are chained to a vibrator.
Ultimately, the Vibrating Bachelor Beauties get to choose which women they want to pleasure (‘their wife’), and are offered a night in the ‘fantasy suite’, which all of the women (after a reasonable amount of pretend contemplation and self justification) accept.
This show is going to be so great, I’m presuming it’s going straight to prime time. Accordingly we don’t actually see what goes on in the fantasy suites, but we get a pretty good idea simply by the looks on the ladies faces as they drag the curtains shut (and an even better idea from the mighty loud orgasms we hear as we roll to the add breaks).
OK, so it may be a little farfetched, but you get where I’m going with this. These shows, on one level, are all about sex anyway, so why not make that aspect just a little more explicit? I know I’d watch.
Naughty Miss Jones xx
PS – Bachelor finale this week people! For my two cents, my money is on Rochelle… mostly cos she seems like the kinkier of the two xx