The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

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Lara Bingle for Cotton On Body 106
You probably think by the title of this entry I’m going to write 400 glorious words on the importance of masturbation, right? Sorry folks, not this time. Instead, allow me to take your minds to a topic far closer to my heart. Lara Bingle. And, in particular, the cover of Famous magazine last week which depicted Lara’s bikini bod…. with cellulite.

It’s not the first time the trashy mags have used cellulite clad stars and those big, dirty red circles (albeit absent from this article, but oh so common in magazine ‘look at their flaws!’ land) to sell copies. And it’s not the first time the inclusion of such pictures has made me, well, cranky.

Many women will argue printing such pics is beneficial for lady-folk, making them realize the glossy imaged stars they see in the media are people too, warts (or cellulite) and all, which, for some warped reason, makes the reader feel better about themselves.

To that argument, I say, what a Crock-of-Shit.

Firstly, do these people, the magazine people and reader people alike, not realize Lara is an actual person? I get a bit sad when a friend posts an unflattering pic of me on my facebook wall. And only my 400 or so facebook friends are gonna see that doozy. I can only imagine the mortification poor Lara felt when the mag came out. Leave the poor girl be, I reckon.

But perhaps more importantly, surely, surely focusing on other peoples flaws is a completely stupid way to make women feel better about themselves? Is it not more logical to instead celebrate the many different looks and facets of womanhood by depicting all different types of women as beautiful? If you want to promote self esteem in women, would it not be more effective to include flatering pics of all different shapes, ages and looks, showing them each as lovely and something to be celebrated? That way, every woman has someone they can relate too, without having to focus on any poor woman’s ‘bad’ bits? Seems like a much more healthy way to boost the old ego, without damaging any poor Lara Bingle’s along the way.

I am a women, and I have days when I feel unattractive, of course. But instead of turning to magazines to help me realize ‘oh, its OK, Lara/ Kelly/ whoever has a bit of a tummy too’ I find it much more self esteem boosting to simply focus on my good bits, and remind myself this is the only body I will have, so I better remember to love it. Indeed, I have a motto for when I’m having an off day ‘remember your boobs, Missy’. (deep, no?). That way, whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I just have to remind myself I have a god-given set of lady lumps far superior to many of the fakies I see wandering around the Eastern Suburbs. It may be superficial, and perhaps a bit vein, but screw it; it makes me feel good. And it draws my attention away from any Lara-esque cellulite I might be sporting, by focusing on my most beautiful attributes.

Next time you see one of those magazies, ladies, I urge you to do what I do. Pick it up from the supermarket shelf. Read your star sign. And put that sucka back on the rack.

Instead of buying into that crap, spend the time focusing on your good bits.

And to Lara, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re not feeling sad by what those fucker magazine people did to you. If it helps, I think your smokin’, and you’re more than welcome to join my ‘naturally awesome boobs appreciation society’ if you’re in the mood for a pick up (I’ve seen them girl, and they are phenomenal). Heck, perhaps we can add wine and cheese to our society nights, and make it an entire self-love party?…

Naughty Miss Jones

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