The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at


Christmas has a tendency to bring out my emotional side. I blame Love Actually. And Wham!. You will have to bear with me, dear reader, if this entry is a little less on the ‘sexy’ side and more on the ‘sentimental’.

You see, last week all this emotion bought about an epiphany of sorts…

I was at a nudist beach and, yes, just in case the name didn’t give it away, I was nude.

As I swam in the ocean, enjoying the feeling of the cool water on my bits skin, I looked back to the shore and saw an elderly couple arriving. They were probably in their mid 60’s (and that’s me being kind). He had a large pot belly. She had saggy boobs and wobbly thighs. They both had a scattering of tattoos.

And they were, hands down, the most in-love and comfortable looking twosome I have seen in a very long time.

They set up their foldey chairs, lovingly rubbed lotion into each other’s nudie bodies, and chatted away without a care in the world. After some time, they got up and, hand in hand, approached the water. They dove in, not letting go. Back on the shore, she opened her cooler bag thingie (you know what I’m talking about, your grandma so has one) and produced sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil, handing half of each sandwich to her nudie love.

It was beautiful. I was smitten. My highlight of the day (even better than deep water nudie make out sessions, but I’ll save that little tale for another time) was when they smiled and said ‘hello love’ as I walked past on my way out. It…was…awesome.

2013 has not, to be truthful (just because it’s Christmas… and at Christmas you tell the truth) been a great year. There have been adventures, sure, but also a lot of hurt and shittyness to me and the people I love. But looking at this old couple,  their love and lightness, I realised it doesn’t matter. We are all going to get old, regardless of where our paths take us along the way. But if, when I’m in my mid 60’s, I’m still adventurous enough, still have enough love in my heart for both myself and others and am still at ease with myself enough to enjoy a day at a nudie beach, swimming, chatting and eating sandwiches wrapped in tin foil, I’ll know I have done something right. There is simply no point focusing on the crappy stuff, when the stuff that matters, the love and the adventure, ‘is all around me… (and so the feeling grows…)’.   

To quote Hugh Grant’s character in Love Actually “General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere“. Even, it seems Hugh, on a nudie beach. 

I hope Love is indeed all around for you this Christmas time readers. Be it the love of your family, your mate, or between the sheets vibrator assisted self love (sorry… I had to chuck a reference in their somewhere), I hope you both give and receive loads of the warm fuzzy stuff.

To the old couple at the nudie beach, thank you for inspiring me to maintain my love of adventure, and putting things into nudie perspective. If I knew who you were or where you lived, I would so send you loads of free products to keep your adventure going.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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