The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

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On Saturday night, I went out with some of my most favorite ladies. The margaritas flowed. The tongues were loosened. The inhibitions were lowered. The talk of all things sexual gradually increased.

It… was… awesome.

I’m pretty sure, given how mighty my hangover was on Sunday, that I would have shown absolutely zero restraint asking my girls about their sexual fantasies. I do remember discussing the topic with vigor, and even in my drunken haze coming to the realization that I am not alone; all girls fantasize, and the subject of their fantasies is as varied as a bag of mixed lollies.

I’m quite vocal about my no. 1 sexual fantasy. His name is Dr Chris Brown. But I have others (which, let’s be honest, shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone). At the moment, I have a huge thing for stand up paddle boards. Not in that weird sexual objectism way. You see, one time I was out the back at the beach and a super hottie paddled by. My natural thought at the time was “Oh, how I would like to climb aboard with you, Captain” (yes, my mind does operate in cheesy sexual innuendos) and my brain was instantly filled with sexy thoughts of, to put it bluntly, having sex on a paddle board. Now every time I see a stand- up paddle board (or just hear the word ‘stand’…. or, to be honest, ‘up’) those same sexy thoughts come to mind and continue to distract me throughout the day.

Don’t act surprised people. We all knew I was a little strange.

Anyway, while my personal fantasies may be a little out of the box, there are a number of fantasies that are said to be common to women the world over, including domination, the school girl fantasy (which I guess is just another form of domination), threesomes, sex with a stranger, lesbianism, and exhibitionism. Strangely, no fireman made any of the lists I read.

Anyway, back to Saturday night. My brain may not have been at its absolute sharpest (OK, it was very far from it), but I distinctly recall of all the fantasies being thrown around the table, very few had been acted upon (including my Dr Chris Brown fantasy, though certainly not for lack of trying on my part).

And that made be a bit sad. Our time on Earth is short. If there is something our subconscious very much wants to do, do we not owe it to ourselves to at least have a go at doing it? Can we not get creative and implement our fantasies in a safe way where noone gets hurt? Always had a stranger fantasy? Get your man to pretend he is someone else for the night a la Claire and Phil Dunphy, and make sure he acts like a ‘new man’ when it counts, too (wink wink, nudge nudge). Exhibitionism your thing? Why not try nookie in the back yard? Heck, why not go the whole hog and film your little adventure (just make sure you delete the evidence after a viewing).

However it’s done, maybe it’s just time we stopped depriving ourselves?

After all, what’s life without a little fantasy?

And don’t worry people, as soon as I manage to have sex with Dr Chris Brown on a stand up paddle board, I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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