The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at


I often speak of the health benefits of orgasms, both physical and mental. But even someone with as well stocked a bottom drawer as yours truly gets a little down sometimes. Insert sad face here.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have made some big, scary decisions, and I have made them entirely alone. Not having someone to talk things through with, or to cuddle when I’m feeling anxious, or to help me pack away my 3000 vibrators into every available hiding spot in my home in time for the open house, well, it just makes it all the more big and scary.

Anyway, I don’t want to bring y’all down and I certainly want to pick myself back up. So I’m doing what Oprah (all hail queen Oprah!) says you should do when you’re upset, and am focusing on all the little, good things and moments in my life. Being my life, however, those little good things over the past week or so often involved a dash of the sexual and a dallop of the strange, so I thought I would share them. So here they are; the top five little things (and orgasms) that have bought some sunshine to my otherwise rainy week.

1. Liquid cheese in a jar – when I was in Mexico, we stayed at one of those ‘all inclusive’ resorts that had a number of liquid cheese dispensers all around the hotel. 24 hour accessible liquid cheese made me very happy. On the weekend, I was at Taste of Sydney and found a very similar product. There isn’t any left now. (So I’m an emotional eater. Sue me).

2. Naked rock kissing with an accidental hard-on – can you say that last week you went to a nudie beach in the middle of the day and shared a first kiss with a handsome boy while standing on the rocks only for said handsome boy (who was nude, being a nudie beach and all) to inadvertently get a hard-on which you then had to hide with your person when a friendly fellow nudist approached for a chat about, I don’t know, business models or something until such time as said hard-on subsided? No? well I can, and just thinking about it makes me giggle.

3. Cunnilingis in a box – the Rolls Royce of Vibrators, Lelo, have just released a new product entirely for female pleasure based on the act of cunnilingis, called the Ora. Here is a link to Lelo’s site with a little video of the product (seriously, it’s quite fascinating, I urge you to check it out). Anyway, I don’t think I need to elaborate further here. Happy, happy, happy.

4. Strange boys on Tinder – most of the boys on Tinder are weird, and I get lots of unsolicited suggestions of what they would like to do to me. Now, when I get one of those sorts of messages I don’t respond (unless it’s Friday night, more than 4 wines have been consumed and I let my friends take over my phone at the pub.. then it’s on baby). But I do find them amusing. Guilty.

So to the young man who offered last week to send over “a short clip of me cumming” and the other who so graciously proposed “we should meet up so I can squeeze those titties so hard” I would like to say thank you. No thanks. But, you know, thank you all the same.

5. I give great orgasms – I love making the people I care for happy. Recently I provided one of my favorite ladies with her very first vibrator, which she has gotten very, very excited about. You are welcome my dear.

There. I feel much better. And to anyone who, like me, is feeling just a little bit sad this week, I hope by reading my blog I have improved your mood, and turned your mind to the subject of the little things (and orgasms) in your own lives.

And if my blog hasn’t done the trick, may I suggest you purchase one of the Ora’s (they will be added to my site very soon)… cos that sure as hell will improve things dramatically.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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