The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at



It’s official people. I have de-tinderised*. That sound you’ve been hearing for the past couple of days is just the collective sobs of Sydney’s single men mourning the loss of my profile from their matches. There there fellas, there there.

It all started as fun and games that night my girlfriends stole my phone. And while I’ve enjoyed getting my flirt on and have made two very good friends, shared many a cheeky pash, and got myself a few lovely dinners out of the experience, the fun has officially gone out of tinder. As amusing as it is, a girl can only take so much sleaze (even a girl who works in the sex toy industry and, as a natural result, has a higher tolerance for sleaze than most).

You see, I am not a piece of meat. There is more to me than my ability to be ‘DTF’ and while I do, indeed, have a very ‘nice rack’, I don’t need to be reminded of that fourteen times a day, nor does my ego need lifting by confirmation my boobiest pics have been placed in his mental ‘wank bank’. As lovely an image as that is.

I think tinder has made boys lazy (or, I should say, even lazier).  They no longer have to turn on the charm to get a girl to go out with them or provide them with special cuddles. Nope, instead of woo-ing, they just send the same message to every girl they have matched with on tinder, and wait till one takes the bait. All while never leaving the couch. Or having a shower.

And that kind of sucks.

For example, check out this profile I came accross. I get its probably meant to be a joke but, still. Emergency swipe right required.  I’d rather stay in with my vibrator than put up with that.

Men of Sydney, you are officially letting me down. Where has your charm gone? Your wit? Your cheeky-not-directly-sexual-but-still-innuendo-filled compliments? Clearly NOT through your fingers into your tinder app, that’s for sure.

But don’t worry. I haven’t lost all faith. And luckily, in recent weeks, a few gentlemen have emerged as contenders from the real life world that might just be able to prove romance is not completely extinct (also, it’s excellent when the whole ‘I wonder if they are as cute as their pictures’ thing doesnt apply).

Gentlemen,  to bring the romance back, I urge you to de-tinderise too, even if only mentally. Next time you see a girl, be it on your screen, on the street, or in a bar, don’t think along the lines of “oh yeah, I’d swipe right for you baby” (clearly, I’m an expert at getting the male physche). Instead, why not, I don’t know, give her a cheeky-not-directly-sexual-but-still-innuendo-filled compliment? Instead of putting it all on the table and offering sex from the outset, why not simply offer to buy her a drink and ask her how she likes to spend her Sunday afternoons? You just never know where it’s going to take you.

Because gentlemen (you might not believe me, but you’ll just have to trust me), there is more to a girl than 5 little pictures, her distance from you and list of the friends you have in common. In fact, beneath the swiperightable exterior, she just might be someone pretty awesome.

Naughty Miss Jones xx


* after requesting phone numbers from my top three, of course


7 thoughts on “Romance is dead… and Tinder killed it

  1. Alex says:

    I think you, along with a lot of women; don’t know what you want. You say you want a nice, romantic and charming guy, yet you will repeatedly go for the guy who treats you like a piece of meat. Why? Because they bring up your inadequacies and you want to feel validated. But when a guy comes along who will treat you right, you’re already validated. So why bother?

    You speak of putting up pictures with clevage and hate getting comments on it. If you’re going to show them off a bit (which is fine), you’re going to get comments on it. And men will treat you like a piece of meat because that’s what you’re projecting. Even if you’re the lovliest girl in the world, that is what will happen. Face value is everything.

  2. Alicia says:

    for us Sydney women, we can either have tall and good looing or average/short guy with average looks with charm….we cannot have both, so we really cannot complain apart from blaming us women for being sucked into the superficiality of this world.

    I had a 6’4 man with great hair who almost made state footy for the Saints.
    Wasn’t my type, Now dating and sleeping with 5’4 guy with one missing arm….like that is everything I never go for…but he helps me feel so good.

    This is what is wrong with tinder, it makes you forget that men who can give you such good feeling can exist in the world.

    1. Hi Alicia – I agree that’s largely what’s wrong with tinder. I enjoy the whole getting to know someone thing and, like you, have through that process fallen for lovely blokes in the past that I may not have been initially attracted to. That said, I’ve also met lovely guys whom I initially found myself very attracted to. Nice blokes come in all types of looks… Tinder, at least for me, just isn’t the best way to go about finding the nice ones, too much sleaze along the way

  3. DJ says:

    Ehh, why you think it’s all about the guy doing all the work? Girls like you who expect guys to ‘woo’ you like a princess just make me want to rely in tinder more. Who says men must go for the girls, and flirt in a socially deemed non “sleazy” way? I bet you a Ryan gosling look alike saying direct or potentially ‘sleazy’ things would get away with it 9/10 times. You think if a guy tries to hit on you, he would really care what you do on Sunday afternoons? Even if he asked, I’ll tell you he most likely still would rather just sleep with you than deal with this ‘social etiquette’ of ‘non sleazy’ flirting.

    1. Thanks for the comment DJ. I’m more than happy to put in a bit of charm too, but that still seems to be met with sleaziness. For example I might break the ice with a comment ‘cute puppy’ (said to guy holding a puppy), to which a typical response may be ‘thanks, wanna meet later and hook up?’ . Regardless of looks, that’s not going to get any sort of response
      In hindsight I was probably a little ignorant as to what tinder was about, but you live you learn I guess

  4. Ace says:

    Emma? Right? Romance is likely only dead in the people you were actually wanting to be romantic and not the real romantics you would’ve likely swiped to the left. It goes both ways. You can say a woman is more than just a few pictures but when did it become so that men are initially nothing more than a few pictures? Does not a good profile make up for a well presented average guy who may not posses model looks?
    Of course attraction is necessary in any relationship but it is silly to think it could never be built from talking and making an effort to get to know someone beyond looks. True story! This is why a lot of fairly good looking men are willing to date less attractive women. Look beyond the looks and don’t try and Idealize any man. Men who get what they want act how they want and if you really want such men to change stop making concessions for guys just because they’re attractive.

    As for the picture the issue with the profile you posted is that the man is noticeably attractive. So you’ve lost hope for attractive men because they get what they want, act how they want and can be complete douchebags? Maybe if you put more hope and faith in men who weren’t the most attractive guys you might just find the happiness you deserve, Like Alicia said.

    1. Hi ace, thanks for the comment.. I guess the point I was trying to make was its all well and good to find someone attractive (and that’s often not the best lookers, and especially not people like dear Pete, beauty is in the eye and all that), but they may also be someone worth getting to know beyond looks. You just never know who you will meet who will enhance your life in some way.

      Alas, while there were some lovely guys on tinder, and I have made some good friends from the experience, there is also a large portion who make it perfectly clear they have zero interest in you as a person, and that just gets tiring after a while.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: