It’s official people. I have de-tinderised*. That sound you’ve been hearing for the past couple of days is just the collective sobs of Sydney’s single men mourning the loss of my profile from their matches. There there fellas, there there.
It all started as fun and games that night my girlfriends stole my phone. And while I’ve enjoyed getting my flirt on and have made two very good friends, shared many a cheeky pash, and got myself a few lovely dinners out of the experience, the fun has officially gone out of tinder. As amusing as it is, a girl can only take so much sleaze (even a girl who works in the sex toy industry and, as a natural result, has a higher tolerance for sleaze than most).
You see, I am not a piece of meat. There is more to me than my ability to be ‘DTF’ and while I do, indeed, have a very ‘nice rack’, I don’t need to be reminded of that fourteen times a day, nor does my ego need lifting by confirmation my boobiest pics have been placed in his mental ‘wank bank’. As lovely an image as that is.
I think tinder has made boys lazy (or, I should say, even lazier). They no longer have to turn on the charm to get a girl to go out with them or provide them with special cuddles. Nope, instead of woo-ing, they just send the same message to every girl they have matched with on tinder, and wait till one takes the bait. All while never leaving the couch. Or having a shower.
And that kind of sucks.
For example, check out this profile I came accross. I get its probably meant to be a joke but, still. Emergency swipe right required. I’d rather stay in with my vibrator than put up with that.
Men of Sydney, you are officially letting me down. Where has your charm gone? Your wit? Your cheeky-not-directly-sexual-but-still-innuendo-filled compliments? Clearly NOT through your fingers into your tinder app, that’s for sure.
But don’t worry. I haven’t lost all faith. And luckily, in recent weeks, a few gentlemen have emerged as contenders from the real life world that might just be able to prove romance is not completely extinct (also, it’s excellent when the whole ‘I wonder if they are as cute as their pictures’ thing doesnt apply).
Gentlemen, to bring the romance back, I urge you to de-tinderise too, even if only mentally. Next time you see a girl, be it on your screen, on the street, or in a bar, don’t think along the lines of “oh yeah, I’d swipe right for you baby” (clearly, I’m an expert at getting the male physche). Instead, why not, I don’t know, give her a cheeky-not-directly-sexual-but-still-innuendo-filled compliment? Instead of putting it all on the table and offering sex from the outset, why not simply offer to buy her a drink and ask her how she likes to spend her Sunday afternoons? You just never know where it’s going to take you.
Because gentlemen (you might not believe me, but you’ll just have to trust me), there is more to a girl than 5 little pictures, her distance from you and list of the friends you have in common. In fact, beneath the swiperightable exterior, she just might be someone pretty awesome.
Naughty Miss Jones xx
* after requesting phone numbers from my top three, of course