The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at


I don’t know a single bloke who wouldn’t be happy to be told he was hung like a donkey. Or in possession of one mighty big love rod. Or told, simply, he had a big dick.

In that strange place of the male mind, big penises seem to matter. A Lot. Did you know that studies have revealed men with larger members are more likely to gain the respect of their team mates and be elevated to a position of authority within the sporting arena? “Oh, we better listen to what Kevin says, just look at that seven incher!”

Growing up, boys discuss penis size at locker rooms in school. Comparison and ridiculing small sized boys is a common bullying ploy many boys have to face, meanwhile guys with bigger members are idolized and congratulated, leading to a direct correlation between size and confidence.

There is an actual thing called ‘Jelqing’. It sounds to me like Miley Cyrus’ new dance phenomenon, but it’s actually a strange practice whereby a bloke massages the semi erect penis outwards to push more blood into the glands thereby, according to Jelqing principals, increasing the size of his member. It has been found to be medical nonsense, but a quick internet search leads to heaps of how-to’s and instructional videos. Your Friday night viewing is now officially sorted.

So men have a strange obsession with penis size, and seem to adhere to the ‘bigger is better’ school of thought.

But what about us lady folk?

Y’all remember that excellent scene in “The Sweetest Thing” where the three lady protagonists sing ‘the Penis Song’, a quirky but spot on depiction of how us girls bolster a guys ego with such exclamations as ‘You’re too big to fit in here’ (we don’t necessarily do so with the accompanying dance moves, though it certainly made for an entertaining scene). I know I’ve done it. But research shows as much as that may stroke the male ego, we don’t actually want one ‘too big to fit in here’.

A study into perceptions of size asked more than 50,000 heterosexual men and women how they rated their own size or that of their partner. The study found that 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s size, but only 55% of men were satisfied with their own. Telling, no? It seems the women were much more forgiving and didn’t feel like they were dealing with inferior goods if they weren’t being bludgeoned with a penis fit for a porn star.

And that studies findings accord completely with my own research (consisting of googling ‘does size matter’ and reading lots of women’s forums), my own life experience and first hand knowledge of what sex toys women are after.

On all the on-line material I read, the women’s comments were very uniform, the general summary being that, unless it’s not too small (‘sorry, is it actually in yet?) or too big (‘ouch‘), women are just not that phased on size, but are much more concerned with other sexy-time factors such as skill, enthusiasm, rhythm and desire to please. As one women commented on an line forum “I have found guys with bigger ones think that in itself is enough, just to have a big dick, and they don’t seem to put in much effort beyond that. Give me a more enthusiastic medium sized guy any day“. Agreed girlfriend; been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

One of my long term exes was, well, on the small side. But he was also athletic and enthusiastic. He may not have been the size of a horse, but he had the power of one and I honestly believe his lack of size, to put it bluntly, made him try harder. And I only have fond memories of that aspect of our relationship.

For my two cents, I can tell you the most popular vibrators and dildo’s I sell are not of the hung-like-a-donkey-variety, but those with, simply, the ability to get a girl off. I sell a dong that looks like this I have sold a grand total of one item. I also sell a vibrator that looks like this but which is known for it’s orgasm creating abilities, of which I have sold many. I’ll just let those facts speak for themselves.

So gentlemen, next time you’re in the bedroom and a lady exclaims “Oh, it’s SO normal sized“, please don’t take offence; lovely and average is more than enough for us, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort to please. But in order to keep your self confidence in-tact, maybe just don’t go repeating that comment to the boys in the change room, yeah?

Naughty Miss Jones xx

5 thoughts on “Does Size Matter?

  1. Jack Chaser says:

    I am more than happy being slightly above the norm as far as size goes and do more to make up for my self perceived inadequacies by giving way above average oral.

    1. good to hear Jacky boy! you crack me up…

      1. Jack Chaser says:

        As you inspire….

  2. Ella North says:

    I enjoyed those videos 😉 Gotta admit I never heard of it before but also; size matters. Period.

    1. ha ha, hilarious right. I agree, but only to an extent. You can have the best brushes and paints in the world, but if you have no artistic skill…

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