Sometimes, wonderful little things just happen. Those who like to use big words call it ‘serendipity’. I just call it “Oh, heck yes”.
It’s like a free ice-cream stall at the shopping center when you’re starving, the rain stopping the moment you step outside, or, in my case, stumbling across “Online Dating Rituals of the Modern Male”, episode 1, while channel surfing on a cosy Wednesday night in. My foxtel subscription so just paid for itself.
Anyway, so the show focuses on the on-line dating life of two different guys each episode, and as well as being ridiculously entertaining, its actually pretty informative on the workings of male mind, a topic that has long both intrigued and baffled me. And it contains hotties. Yay for the hotties.
Episode 1 we were introduced to Alex, who looked like a chipmunk, had an ego to rival Kanye’s, and seemed to cruise through life genuinely believing he was THE ultimate catch. Even though he looked like a chipmunk. But don’t get any bright ideas about ‘catching’ this one ladies and creating beautiful baby chipmunks, as Alex made it perfectly clear to us lucky viewers he was only on-line dating to get laid.
Here’s what I learned from Alex:
- Some Guys will do anything if they think they may get laid – OK, I already knew this, but Alex did a bloody good job of confirming. During the show, Alex saw the profile of a girl ‘he would like to bang’ so, naturally, agreed to bypass a few drinks in favor of the drum-circle-date she suggested. Cue corny puns involving the word ‘bang’. He actually got stood up at this one, but went to scope out the hotties at the class anyway, probably mostly so his corny ‘bang’ puns didn’t go to waste.
- A Guy will use the ‘butt squeeze’ to sus out the women’s attitude towards taking it further. I’m not saying all guys will do this, just the special ones. Like Alex.
- Douche’s can be Entertaining – while Alex wasn’t date material if you’re genuinely looking for love, I would love to go for a few drinks just to listen to his fabulously entertaining one-liners. Like these beauties “This girl is probably an alcoholic – I like that” and “I like to eat steak and shrimp, and I like to walk around like a 10 foot pimp“. I told you Alex was special.
Guy 2, on the otherhand, was a genuine hottie who genuinely seemed to be looking for love. I didn’t catch his name. Pretty things to seem distract me . I’ll just call him ‘Sweet Like Chocolate’
Here’s what I learned from Sweet Like Chocolate:
- There are some guys willing to admit they are looking for the real deal, and you shouldn’t’ be afraid to ask – I always think guys are uncomfortable talking about their feelings and intentions. While admittedly, I wasn’t 100% paying attention, Sweet Like Chocolate seemed very comfortable answering questions about his intentions and what he was looking for. That was very nice, and I will try and be more direct with guys on this topic from now on.
- Guys do NOT appreciate being asked about their bowel movements on the first date – each guy went on 3 dates during the episode. By far, my favorites were the train wrecks. Like the self diagnosed malnourished girl who asked Sweet Like Chocolate if he was “going to poop” when he excused himself to the bathroom. The look on his gentlemanly face was priceless.
- Guys get just as excited as us about meeting a girl they connect with – its something we don’t often see, the “after the date” moment from the other parties perspective. Just like I would do after a great date, Sweet Like Chocolate was grinning from ear to ear after meeting the lovely Chloe, and even had to call a mate to talk through the experience. It kind of broke down the ‘cool, suave’ swagger Sweet Like Chocolate had going on, and made you realize he was just a person, too.
- Sexy Guys should not be allowed to wear shirts while brushing their teeth, particularly when being filmed brushing said teeth.
So that’s what I learned from episode 1. I also learned that I have a favorite new TV show, and that I will be unavailable on Wednesday evenings from 9.30pm moving forward.
Episode 2 is recorded for my viewing pleasure tonight – from the previews it promises even bigger douches, even bigger boobs and even more rejection than episode 1. Stay tuned people.
Online Dating Rituals of the Modern Male airs in Australia on Arena, 9.30pm on Wednesdays