The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at

pic courtesy of UK mail

pic courtesy of UK mail

When we were about 15, one of my favorite ladies got her first proper kiss in my backyard at what was, I’m sure, a truly epic 15-year-old backyard party. Us girls celebrated that momentous occasion by gifting her a pair of boxer shorts embezzled with Miss Piggy images and the words ‘kiss me’.

Cos back when we were 15, kissing mattered.

On average, a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime. I know cos I read it on the back of a Libra sanitary napkin. And sanitary napkins never lie.

I was surprised when I read this. Two weeks? Only two weeks? Well that just makes me sad. Cos I’m sure, as my girlfriend came to learn on that star crossed night back when we were 15, kissing is awesome.

My youth was full of kissing. I was a bit of a kiss-slut, if I’m being honest. From the multi-pash nights at the under 18 nightclubs, to the make-out parties where we only came up for air for long enough to down a quick shot of vodka, to the ‘parking’ up Greenhill’s and making out in the car, to the time spent watching movies, when we never noticed enough to follow the plot-line, I kept these lips of mine busy in my misspent youth. If you think back to your kissing filled youth, too, I’m sure many happy memories of locking lips will emerge.

These days, I still get the odd cheeky pash, but it’s nothing like it used to be.  The act of kissing for kissings sake seems to be lost in the older generations, and now it’s usually more the start of something (wink wink, nudge nudge), then the start, beginning and end in itself.

Kissing is good for you. It can reduce blood pressure, tones facial muscles, and even helps fight cavities. But more than that, kissing makes you feel good. There ain’t nothing like a good ol’ pash to get the butterfly’s going, and what would a first date with a potential suitor be without the prospect of a cheeky snog at the end of the evening?

Not even a vibrator can evoke those sorts of feelings.

So, my happy little vibers, maybe it’s time we put kissing back on the agenda. 2 weeks kissing over an entire lifetime is simply, and I’m sure you’ll agree, just not long enough.

And to my friend who was the lucky giftee of the boxer shorts in question, I hope you still have them. Not only cos they represent such a beautiful and exquisite memory, but also I have a feeling if we took them out for a night on the town, we might just be able to use them to their advantage, as an invitation per se, and relive our misspent youths (which would make an excellent blog).

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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