The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at

pic courtesy of femtastic

pic courtesy of femtastic

May is officially national masturbation month. As the month looms, I have decided to depart from my usual, crazy adventure style blogs, and get back to basics. Naughty Miss Jones came into existence with a goal; to encourage women to embrace and enjoy their sexuality. This week, I’m going to write about that very topic, in honor of masturbation month, and in the hope that by the time you’ve finished reading this I have encouraged you to embrace what the month is about, not be ashamed, and enjoy yourself in the process. Literally.

I touch myself, I want you to touch me”. So sang Aussie band the Divinyls in their hit released in 1990. At the time, and perhaps even today, there was an element of the shocking in those lyrics. A woman enjoying her own body? Surely not.

Historically, masturbation, both male and female, has been frowned upon, prosecuted, deemed a ‘sin’, and certainly not the sort of thing one would dare raise in public, darling. One prominent catholic, St. Thomas Aquinas, once even proclaimed masturbation to be a worse sin than rape, adultery and incest. In the Victorian era, those in the know held a common belief that masturbation impaired the morals, could lead to a variety of diseases and mental disorders, and many set out about creating ‘cures’ for this so-called social evil.

We now know that’s all bullocks, and yet masturbation, and female masturbation in particular, continues to carry with it a certain social stigma. It’s rarely in the media, unlike in Britain we don’t have lovely female friendly sex shops on every high street, and very few females openly admit to such activity. I can’t even have adds on facebook for crying out loud.

Masturbation is the most common sexual activity among human kind. Indeed most of us women, around 60%, indulge in the activity at least once a month (and that’s only those that will admit it). Ironically, it’s also probably also the least talked about sexual activity (except if you’re me, or happen to spend a lot of time in my company. Then there’s no escaping that subject matter). People don’t like to talk about it, cos it still seems, well, wrong or shameful.

And, yet, masturbation is healthy (both physically and mentally), carries with it no risk, and is free.

Is it just me, or is the stigma, the social taboo, the non-acceptance of a very common and non-dangerous pastime just, well, silly?

If you, dear girl, are nodding along while reading this blog, agreeing with my general concept, but still have some hesitations about getting involved, allow me to point out these undeniable facts:

  1. You were born with a clitoris. Its sole function is pleasure. If we were not meant to enjoy that pleasure, why would it be there? ;
  2. You are sexy and sexual. Sex is the very thing that allows the continuation of humanity. You were, literally, born to do it. What’s the harm in a little practice?
  3. You work hard and you have stress in your life. We were born with a natural form of in-built stress relief. It would be rude not to use it;
  4. In celebration of masturbation month, each Vibrator sold will come with free lubricant. And we all love freebies. Head on over to  to grab yours.

So the Divinyls, to you, for having the courage to say (well, if I’m being correct, sing) to the world about your solo-bedroom habits, thereby somewhat normalizing the usually taboo, I say well done.

And to you, dear girl reading this blog, enjoy your National Masturbation Month. I know I will.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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