The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

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I love pork rolls. And before you ask me, no, that isn’t a euphemism for something dirty or sexual (what?… why is she writing this then?). I’m talking about actual pork rolls here people, Banh Mi, those delicious, crispy, full of flavor Vietnamese pork-filled bread rolls.

When I’m hungover, I really, really love pork rolls. And with a hangover having been a weekly occurrence of late (don’t judge me, we’re all friends here) I often find myself on the weekends, pulling my hungover arse out of bed and into my car on a quest to find the best pork roll in Sydney’s inner west.

So if, like me, you love a good pork roll (and no, still not a euphemism for something dirty or sexual) allow me to share my reviews of all the places I’ve visited on my latest little adventure, just in case you get in the mood for some flavorful, moist, pork (really, people… really?… minds outta the gutter please!)

  1. Delicious rolls, Enmore – I don’t know why, but the name of this shop makes me think of dirty things. So of course I went there first. All in all, this one gets a 5 out of 10. I’m a harsh judge. The roll itself was a little too airy underneath the crisp crust, and the pork itself a little blah. Not bad, but I wont be lining up to get my hands on these delicious rolls anytime soon.
  1. Marrickville Pork Roll, Marrickville – this place is pretty famous. Google ‘pork rolls Sydney’ and it’s the first entry. But for all the hoopla, this bun is only getting a 7 out of 10 from me. Yep, it had all the right features, the salad was crisp, the pork tasty, and the bun the right texture, but (and people are going to hate me for saying this) it just wasn’t anything special. Kind of like that hot guy you’ve been coveting for ages, who turns out to be a little less than impressive when finally conquered.
  1. Pho Town, Alexandria – this was the latest spot on my adventure. And what a trip it was. This was like the PMS bun, some bites were fantastic, and others had me weeping, questioning the very purpose of my existence. The ‘bad’ bites came down to 2 main factors; the weird red jelly stuff on the top of some of the pork, and the funky tasting pate. Only a 2 out of 10 for this one.
  1. Rose Sunrise Bakery, Newtown – there are many options for a hungover girl who lives 10 minutes from King Street. But this hidden gem tops them all. The meat, part pulled pork, part your standard deli roll style, is freakin’ delicious. And when the juices from the pork seep into the soft part of the bread (but are captured by the outer crispness), well, people, we have a winner. It may not be famous, it may not even be visible from the street, but this roll was orgasmic. A well earned 10 out of 10.
  1. Allans Cake Hot Bread, Enmore – down the other end of Enmore road, sits a little Vietnamese bakery that just looks like a Vietnamese bakery. Peeling paint, bright lights, and the promise of a traditional pork roll made by people who know a thing or two about pork rolls. Sadly, it wasn’t to be. The meat was so fatty I had to spit it out (though my dog enjoyed the pre-chewed scraps) and while the general flavor was good, I just couldn’t get past the feeling of fat in my mouth. Especially after a hangover. 3 out of 10.
  1. Rolls on Oxford – Surry Hills – this was a former lunchtime staple of mine in years gone by. And a quick trip back reminded me why. Good roll, good pate, standard pork, and lots of that delicious pickled carrot stuff (how do they get so much flavor in there?). Not make me wet my pants with excitement good, but still very good. A highly commendable 8 out of 10.

If you’ve just read through this entire entry, thinking, ‘OK, get to the dirty bit, where is the bloke she is going to meet in the Pork Roll shop?’, well, I’m sorry. It ain’t coming this week people. But please take comfort in the fact that I have enjoyed many a firm, moist bun in weeks gone by, that make me lick my lips and groan with pleasure. And if you’ve got any recommendations from me, I’d love to hear them.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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