The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

'cos naughty miss jones knows vibrators. Visit me at http://www.naughtymissjones.com.au

failed

One of male friends recently provided his explanation as to why I get asked out more than I probably should “You’re cute, Missy” he stated “But in a way that’s, you know, very obtainable

I’m choosing to take that as a win.

Through my tinder adventures and beyond, I have had more matches than Elvis has had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The quality of those matches may leave a little to be desired at times (ooo, that’s a lovely neck tattoo!), but, hey, a match is a match.

So I like to think, through both my personal experiences and the swapping of stories with my fellow tinderellas, I know a thing or two about how to engage with a girl, and get a date on the internet. And, perhaps more importantly, how not to get a date on the internet. If you’re a world wide wieb Romeo, allow me to provide you some helpful tips:

  1. ‘Hi’ is, well, kind of dull as an opening[1]
  2. Flattery will get you… everywhere – telling a girl she had a nice smile, is gorgeous, is rocking her ensemble etc. will always raise a smile and, likely, get you a response.
  3. Don’t be too much of an eager beaver – declaring on the first message you think you could have ‘something special’, or asking the lady in question on a date without having received a single banter filled message is, well, kind of weird[2]
  4. Having a picture with hot chicks doesn’t make you look desirable, just kind of like a try hard[3]
  5. Do not, under any circumstances, ‘LOL’ – are we looking to date an American High School cheerleader? No. So why the fuck talk like one[4].
  6. Questions need answers = conversation = conversing– getting a message like ‘Hi. Today I played cricket’ leaves me baffled, but are very common. A simple statement does not a response require, nor is it particularly engaging, so, sir, why did you bother?[5]
  7. Be cheeky, not dirty – a little bit of innuendo never hurt anyone, but coming straight out with an explicit blow by blow description of what you would like to do to the fair maiden in question? Its kind of creepy.
  8. What’s with all the pictures of boys with the wax figure of Alf from Home and Away? This isn’t a game changer, I’m just genuinely wondering how Alf got his flaming face in so many pics?
  9. We don’t want to date a pretty scene. Or a motor cycle. So why are we looking at so damn many pictures of them?
  10. Be Friendly – It’s simple. And it works. Depict yourself as a happy person, be friendly and flirty in your messages.

Now, these tips may not apply to every girl, and we’re all looking for different things. Nontheless, I hope these tips help you along the way to the tinder romance you desire. In the interim, in the absence of love from the internet, why not try a bit of self-love? And on that note, I just happen to be having a mighty big sale (check it out at www.naughtymissjones.com.au – in the ‘sale’ category).

Happy internet dating vibers

Naughty Miss Jones xx

[1] Unless you’re really hot. Then, by all means, ‘Hi’ away

[2] Unless you’re really hot. Then, by all means, ask away.

[3] Unless you’re really hot. Then, by all means, have whoever you want in your pics.

[4] Unless you’re really hot. Then, by all means… actually, no. Don’t. Not even the super hotties can get away with LOL

[5] Unless you’re really hot. Then, by all means, state away.

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