The Adventures of Naughty Miss Jones

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I have reason to believe” bellowed Lexi’s boss across the desk “that there has been a happening of sexual relations in this office

Lexi looked shocked. She wasn’t, of course; but after years of taking statements from people, people who seemed to believe the encroachment of a fence or a build running slightly behind schedule was akin to a national disaster, Lexi has mastered the shocked look.

Look here” he continued “at exhibit A

From his desk drawer he produced a photograph. It was, on close inspection, the edge of the boardroom table, with a clear lipstick smear across the corner (coral crush, thought Lexi, there from when I was being taken by James from behind, and had to use the table-top to stifle the screams of pleasure).

And exhibit B”.

This time her boss produced a bottle of lubricant. Strawberry-kiwi, Lexi noted fondly, (the taste of sweet tanginess having added an element of summery fun to that boardroom escapade)  at the same time silently reprimanding herself for forgetting it in their haste to get out of the office that Christmas eve (and also because she would very much like to use it again, and she dare not ask for it back).

What does this mean?” asked Lexi, maintaining her composure, always the professional.

It means” he started “That we are going to have to get rid of Ambrosia. I just can’t tolerate this sort of conduct in my own office”

It took some hours, long after Lexi had left the office, for the guilt to set in. After carefully examining the exhibits, all the while maintaining the look of shock, Lexi had left the office, and headed home. Could she really let poor Ambrosia take the fall? But what would owning up mean? Her boss had been clear, he simply would not tolerate that kind of conduct in his office.

Later that evening, James panting beside her after yet another session (involving a second bottle of the fabulous kiwi strawberry lube; James was nothing if not resourceful), Lexi turned to her lover.

My boss, he knows someone was in the office on Christmas eve, and he knows what they did

While Lexi’s own look of shock had been fake, she had no doubt of the genuineness of that now on James’ face. His cheeks suddenly drained of colour, the cool, confident exterior was immediately replaced with pure panic. “Does he know it was me?” he asked.

No” she responded, “He doesn’t know it was me, either. He seems to think it was poor Ambrosia

All of a sudden, James was upon her. Just not in the same way he had been half an hour before. “Lexi“.. he started, straddling her stomach, large hands around her face, forcing her gaze to him “You can absolutely, 100% not let anyone know it was me. Let Ambrosia take the wrap. Promise me, promise me I won’t be implicated

But you’re the boss” she responded meekly, the weight of him pressing down slightly on her abdomen “Surely you can’t get in trouble for this?”

You don’t understand Lexi” he began, his voice softening, lifting his weight from her “This isn’t the first time I’ve been involved in something like this… and, you see… I’m not exactly single”

Lexi pushed him off her, unable to continue to meet his eyes, and turned to her stomach.

And, just like that, that kiwi strawberry lube suddenly didn’t seem so sweet.

Naughty Miss Jones xx

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